people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
