i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
