so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
