We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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