we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
