I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
