I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
