let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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