I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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