By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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