very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
