awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
