Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
