so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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