If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
