Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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