I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
