planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
