I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
