piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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