I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
