I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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