What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
