He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
