Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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