I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
