why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry about my life...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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