Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
