At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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