i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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