I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
