i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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