He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
