Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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