i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
