im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
