she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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