I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
