sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
