Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
