if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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