We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
