i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
