i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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