I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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