yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
