you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize