I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
