I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
