i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
