he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
