and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
