At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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