You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
