the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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