My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
