I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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