soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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