you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
