oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
