A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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