Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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