oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
