the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
