mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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