So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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