Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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