I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
