Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
