Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
