Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
