We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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