I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize