omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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