i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
