I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize