I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
