stop calling my apartment porn island.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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