Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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