we're chasing vodka with high fives
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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